Cross and Alex' World Winning Adventure
by juggernaut715
Summary: Join Ex-Sergeant Robert Cross (the Supreme Hunter) and Alex Mercer (Zeus, The Prototype, yada yada) on their whimsical time at Hogwarts. Involves great amounts of cannibalism in later chapters, a lot of Cross being a jerkwad, a lot of Alex hating Applebees, and a whole lot of character death. Woo hoo!


"Cross."

"Yeah?"

"Where are we?"

"Based on the castle, the lake, the people with sticks in front of us, and the fact that we're both naked, I'd say we're seeing the aftermath of one crazy night."

"Hmm." Alex hummed, nodding at the people in front of him. They all had sticks, and all of them looked like they were...afraid? Well, Alex' killing intent was that of a raging psychopath virus, I mean, it's fucking scary. Cross was immune to it, being the Supreme Hunter and all. But at the moment they were both naked. As naked as Alex can be, anyways, with all his biomass pulled into him and revealing the naked form of the man he copied the body of.

"Ya'll just gonna watch the goods or you gonna say something?" Cross asked, putting his hands on his hips and starting to grind to the side. "Cause if you watch, you got to get involved. And I'm likin' you a lot, miss..." The girl blushed and waved the stick. Cross's legs were suddenly tied together by an invisible force, and he fell over. "Oh, wanna do it on the ground?" He asked, not perturbed in the slightest. He continued thrusting upwards, hands behind his head. "Waiting for you to come over here."

"T-That's disgusting!" The girl said, her stick shaking in her hands, not viewable from Cross' point of view. Alex, however, could see that the two boys with her also had sticks, and they were shaking as well.

"What's with the sticks?" Alex asked, before turning to Cross. "Get up. You look like an idiot." Cross obliged, breaking the Leg-Locking curse and standing up without any effort whatsoever. The trio looked astonished. "What's with the sticks?" Alex repeated, crossing his arms.

"We're wizards."

"And a witch."

"Y-Yeah, and a witch." The red haired boy repeated, his eyes flickering between the bushy haired girl and Alex. "Why are you naked?" He asked out of the blue, waving his stick around.

"Didn't we have a wild night?" Cross asked, confused, rubbing his chin. "Alex-did we not end up naked next to a castle because we had a wild night?"

"I'm certain that I didn't. You're the only one who drinks." Cross nodded, frowning.

"Well...as long as we're here, we should probably have sex."  
A silence passed. Alex slapped Cross upside the back of the head.

"You're the Supreme, aren't you? Have a bit more human taste. You were good at the disguise, anyways."

"Zeus, The Prototype, lecturing me on being human? What's the world coming to?" Cross whispered, putting his hands on his head in a worried manner. He lowered them. "So, where are we?"

"Hog-"

"Hang on." The girl cut the blacked haired and glassed boy off. "How did you get here?" She was having trouble forming words, her eyes constantly drifting around on Cross' figure and Alex' crotch. Neither man had much decency.

"I have no idea." Cross said, crossing his arms and glancing upwards at the massive castle next to him. "Maybe we...the bomb." He nodded, glancing over at Alex. "The bomb?"

"Blew up."

"Y-psh-Yeah, I know that. What happened after that?" Alex scratched his head, the motion shaking other things as well. Hermione's stare became fixed on a certain area.

"Well, I saw you in the city...then we became flatmates."

"After the-"

"Yeah, after the Superbowl. Then...then we started working at Starbucks."

"And that was before the job at Applebees."

"God, I hated Applebees. I wanted to consume everyone there-so damn annoying, those stupid kids and their fucking balloons." Alex growled, holding his hands out and wringing an imaginary child's neck in his hands with great vigor. He stopped. "Then we..." They both blanked out, staring at each other for a moment.

"I can't remember." Cross said, pulling a hand along his cheek, feeling the stubble underneath. "I haven't shaved in..." He did the motion again. "Four-no, five days?" He mused, continuing to rub his cheeks, feeling the stubble for some measurement of time.

"So we both have five days of unknown." Alex repeated, translating the beard-language. "Just great." His eyes went from Cross to Hermione, who flinched under his hard stare. And then Alex licked his lips. "Say, Cross...can I eat her?"

"Eh?" Hermione blipped, blinking at the words 'eat her.'

"No." Cross said, shaking his head. "You can't eat anyone."

"But I was supposed to eat three days ago. That's how we did it!" Alex said, stomping the ground, creating a small dent. Cross shook his head once more, wagging a finger.

"In an event such as this you can't eat anyone who might have vital information." Alex swung an arm towards Hermione, pointing.

"A little girl has 'vital' information? Seriously? You're just being pissy cause you don't eat."

"I don't eat because I don't need to. The bomb did that. I always wonder why it didn't do that to you." Cross said, mumbling the last part. He started walking forward, ignoring the tiny sticks that were still pointed at him. "I'm Sergeant-"

"Ex-Sergeant."

"I still have the rank, dickhead." Cross spat back at Alex. He turned back. "I'm Sergeant Robert Cross, Blackwatch Command." He tilted his head towards Alex. "Wanna introduce yourself, or shall we just call you 'Zeus.'"

"Mercer." Alex snarled, walking up to Cross' side, now only a few feet away from Hermione. He leaned into Cross, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Cross, she smells delicious."

"No."

"Oh come on, just a-"

"No, Alex, no." he shrugged Alex' hand off, ignoring the pointed stares he was getting from all three children. "Alex. You're scaring the children. So, stop being such a baby and wait for mommy to get you some food. OK?" In response, Cross was punched in the stomach. He was thrown to the castle wall, the stone cracking under the impact. He coughed blood.

"Yes, mother." Alex mocked, shaking his hand. It always hurt to punch Cross, since he had a more rough and tumble constitution than regular flesh-wearing people. The kids just continued staring, eyes flickering between Alex and Cross. Cross, who was shrugging off the damage as though it was nothing-which it was.

"Good." Cross said, turning to face the children once more, sharply, and everything turning with him. Hermione's gaze drifted once again. "Anywhere we can find some pants?"


End file.
